Today

I'm bad at this, I mean really bad. I don't even know how many people read this (is it just me or is that at the back of every blogger's mind?), but letting down my "readers" isn't what frustrates me, its that I'm not friggin consistent at another thing. I can't tell you how many books sit on my bookshevles that are half read, or how many journals I have that jump from January to September with one entry in between, and they all start off the same way too..."Ok, I'm going to do this more often..."

I think that it has something to do with what Rachel called me last night, she was joking of course, but she called me the "deep friend." Maybe I don't blog all the time because I think that if I don't have something to deep to say then I don't have something to say. I've come to the conclusion that thats... well, CRAP. I'd love to write a book one day, but its always "one day." I can't tell you how many stories I have already told myself that I feel belong on some paper. If I'm honest I'll tell you that I'm afraid of telling them in ink. I'm afraid that I'll somehow manage to lose them in the transfer from my head to the paper, that somehow I won't tell it right, somehow I'll screw it up. I have a problem with risks these days.

So, with all that said...today has been a good day. I woke up early, I mean really early. I don't necessarily like the reason for waking up early, but I do appreciate seeing the sunrise every morning. Its incredibly different every time. Sometimes it creeps up on you. It desguises itself as night and then sheepishly mentions the morning. My favorite kinds are the ones that explode onto the scene. I can remember one like that two weeks ago. It honestly stopped me in my tracks and I just had to stare at it, and ask, "What are you doing here?" It began as a thin line of violent orange at the bottom of a dark purple sky. I took no notice of it at first and went on doing what ever it was I was doing, whatever it was wasn't important. The next time I turned around the morning had errupted. It was so...happy. It was almost as if this sunrise was laughing. I stood there on the dock, at a freight company, behind a 53 foot tractor trailer, with forklifts momentarily moving in slow motion, and I watched the sunrise. It was great.

Sorry, I think I did again...:) Hey, this is the Big Life. Welcome to my abrupt end.