I'm Screaming It

Conversations with people dressed in ski gear are quite refreshing. You really have no idea what they look like and you talk to them with no preconcieved notion about who they are or what they are like. Plus everyone looks fluffy, perhaps a bit jolly even. I kind of just want to push them down and watch them try to get up. I mean that in the nicest way.

Read this, its the Bible, you have to.
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."
Romans 12:9-12

Nothing gets under my skin more than when those of us who follow Jesus live in despair. I don't understand. Its almost like we have given up, as if the fights over. The world is not beyond reach. I don't know if you know this or not, but in the end God wins. Its almost like we see the darkness of the world we live in and ask, "Why bother?" This is what I'm screaming, "BE JOYFUL IN HOPE, PATIENT IN AFFLICTION, FAITHFUL IN PRAYER!" Yes, the world is often a dark place, full of despair, but check out 1 John 2: 8, "the darkness is passing and the true light is already shinning." The end of the Romans 12 passage says this, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

What if? What if we believed that what Jesus came to start, the dream and intention God had for His creation could actually be a reality? What if in those moments of despair when the question, "Why bother?" shows up, we instead asked, "How can I not bother?" That would be something. That would be everything.

You

Communion breath smells bad. The combination of grape juice and bread does not produce a pleasant aroma. Maybe I just have a case of halitosis.

Lately I've been blown away by the power of community. I went on the "Family Vacation" with my church, Midtown, last weekend. Something like 75 people went to Gatlinburg and packed into two cabins to share our stories with each other. It was incredible. Its nice to be a part of something you can believe in, something you can give your life to.

It just got me thinking about how important it is for us, human beings, to be in community with one another. Its not just a good idea, its essential. I was reading the creation account in Genesis, and most of us are familiar with what God said after creating something, "It is good." Kind of like me after I finish eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Especially a sandwich made with cold bread, grape jelly, and crunch peanut butter. Its nice to if the sandwich has actually been in existence for a while so the jelly is coming through the outside of the bread, all smooshed up like somebody sat on it. Anyway...

Did you know that there is actually one time before the fall of man that God actually says "It is not good..." Really He does. Genesis chapter 3 God says, "It is not good for man to be alone." I find this very compelling. God looks at Adam, the perfect creation, without flaw, someone who finds their worth entirely in his Creator, and sees that he's lonely. I mean this guy is perfect, with out insecurity and he's lonely, and God recognizes that. This is before sin, all the bad stuff, is introduced into creation so nothing is "wrong" at this point, but God still says its not good for man to be alone. So its ok that I don't like to be alone? Its ok that I need companionship? Absolutely.

In John 17 Jesus prays for this. He prays that we, you and me, will be united, be one as the Father and Son are one. Unity. Companionship. We need each other. Its funny though because whenever we are struggling with something we have a tendency to retreat. We become recluses. We even advice people to do this. "All you need is God right now, focus on Him." Or we find ourselves saying things like "I just need to get away from everybody, I need some just me and God time." I do think that we need solitude, times of intimacy with God, but here's Adam, perfect without flaw and God see's him alone and says its not good.
God works through people. Always has, always will. We need each other. We need to share our burdens, our accomplishments, our joys, our sorrows. Not for fulfilment, not for worth, but for companionship. I need that. I need you.

Mud In Your Eyes

New Years, as fun as it was, is always a bit of a let down. It never lives up to its expectations. I did however enjoy my New Years Eve. Rock Band is simply amazing.

So I ran out of coffee filters the other day. How does that happen? I feel like that's something that you should see coming. Thanks to good friends that are gracious enough to give me some coffee filters.

Thanks to everyone for your prayers and encouragements, it really does mean a lot. God is big, really big.

John chapter 9 has become one of my favorite chapters in the Bible. Its the story of when Jesus heals a man born blind. The chapter starts off with the disciples asking the question, "who sinned, this man or his parents? that he was born blind?" Interesting question. Jesus lets them know that it was neither, but it was so that work of God could be displayed in his life. Back to the question though. They are asking essential what is the source of this imperfection. I was trying to think why I would ask this question, why I would want to know how this man ended up being born blind. I came to conclusion that I would probably ask this question to know how to avoid this happening to me.
I think this lets us in on how humans view sin and how it affects our lives. Our view of sin is far to small. We think of it only as the actions that we do, things we do wrong. Its much bigger than that. Sometimes I feel like we look at sin as something, for some unknown reason, God chose to hate and the only reason we're not supposed to do it is because God just doesn't like it. God doesn't like sin because God can't like sin. Its the complete opposite of God. Sin is rebellion to God. Sin is what has broken and destroyed God's creation. Its more than just what we do, its what we're born into. This man's blindness wasn't the result of some one's individual sin, but it was the result of being born into a war-torn creation that has been devastated by sin. A bit of helplessness creeps in.
I feel like they're asking the question in hopes of discovering some sort of formula. What must I do/not do, what steps do I have to take in order to prevent this from happening to me? We can't, we're broken. We need to be fixed. We need the work of God, we need to be restored. That's what Jesus does...
Its bizarre actually. Jesus spit in the dirt, made a mud pie and smeared it on the man's eyes. This is how Jesus heals him. Interesting. The debate is over the the cause of the blindness. Jesus somewhat answers the question with the method of the healing. See in Genesis chapter 2 it says that God formed man from the dust, from the dirt. He breathed into it. Jesus heals the man with what he's made out of.
We're broken versions of what we were meant to be. We need the work of God in our lives. We need to be restored. The hope though is that Jesus doesn't want to make us into something we're not, but instead to restore us to what we were always meant to be.

Tragedy

I recently discovered my passion for splitting logs. It is so much fun. I honestly don't think I've experienced an emotional roller coaster quite like it. There's nothing better than seeing a log split under the power of my swing, aaand nothing more disheartening than watching the axe bounce off the top of top of the log, leaving the piece of wood in tact, and mocking me.

I have this suspicion that while creating their beloved masterpieces many artists had their audinece in mind. I don't think they created their work thinking, "I wonder what they'll like." I think it was probably more like a desperate attempt to get something that was internally consuming them, out. Much like giving birth. Gross.

So here's what I was thinking about during Christmas. I was confronted with the tragedy of Christmas. Seriously. Read this..."Through him all things were made; with out him nothing was made that has been made.....He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not recieve him." John 1:3, 10-11.

There's something terribly wrong with this picture. God, our source, our origin, our purpose comes to us, and what should be the most easily recognizable thing, the most anticipated arrival wasn't recieved at all. Tragedy. I can look in our world though and I can see this. Can't you? Its suprisingly easy to look and see a world that's not the way it was intended to be. It seems somewhat lacking, something is missing, things are damaged. That's a truth most people can agree on whether they believe in God or not.

Is there anything more painful to watch than someone trying to be somebody they're not? Ah, it's almost unbearable! I think thats why I have such a hard time watching Meet the Parents...Focker...you're so akward. I love The Office, but goodness Michael can drive me nuts. Maybe you've been that guy who has butted in on a conversation and pretended to know what they were talking about when you really didn't. My skin is crawling just thinking about it. Is this what we look like? A bunch of people standing around the preverbial water cooler all pretending to know what's going on? There's a good chance.

This is the tragedy of Christmas to me. God, what defines us, presents Himself to us and we don't even recogize Him. Ouch. The pain He must have felt, and still feels. Donald Miller says it like this, "I don't think we can understand the pain a pure love would feel after being betrayed by the focus of its love."

But there is hope to be found in Christmas, one verse down actually. "Yet to all who recieve him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-children born not of a natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." John 1:12-13

There is a hope out there. You do have a defenition, an origin, a purpose and He came here to rescue us. Merry Christmas.

Do You See What I See...?

I've never experienced a time in my life where God has answered so many prayers, done so much, or been so evident. Yesterday I felt the urge to thank Him individually for all the things He has done and so I wrote them down. As I went down the list expressing my gratitude for each "blessing" I began to feel rather foolish. I found that the response that I wanted to express wasn't necessarily gratitude for the things God had given me, but it was something deeper. It was the mind blowing truth that He is...real, and if God is real, then by definition He is worthy of my gratitude. I don't think the benefit of answered prayer is found in the answers themselves, but its in the face to face encounter with a real, powerful God that knows you.

Something else I've noticed is this; the more obedient I've become the more liberal I think. Hear me out. Not liberal in a political sense, not loose on my morals, or on the truths that I believe in, but on the way that I choose to let these truths flesh out. Its like when I actually have an "aha" moment about something that has to do with God and what He's about I can't stand to put it in a box and look at it one way. The Gospel and Jesus Christ are bigger than myself and my pea sized brain. Why do we have to do things the way we have always done them? I'm not sure all of these great men who we've started our beloved denominations after ever intended for us to be reaching people the same way they did hundreds of years ago. They saw the lost and they discovered a way to reach them, a way that was probably a little liberal for their time. Wesley took bar songs and wrote lyrics for them that taught theology. Here's to being a little liberal.

Along those lines I've also started to discover another interesting relationship. It seems the more obedient I've become the more compassion I have for the broken, for sinners. I'm not going to lie, I've seen a decrease of personal sin in my life and I take absolutely no credit for it, I am far from perfect, I'm still wretched, no good, and all the sorts of things that people who are filled with humility tend to say :), but I am more Christlike than I was a few months ago. That being the case I can honestly say that I look at people who are drenched in sin, held captive by it and my first reaction isn't to judge them, but it is to have compassion on them. Don't mistake this for tolerance, but I want more and more for them to have a encounter with Jesus. I know what its like to live a life along side of Him, and its great. I don't want to make them feel like they can't do it because they're so "wicked", but its my hope that they can understand that Jesus believes that they don't have to live that way anymore. It really is an interesting relationship.

Please disregard anything you could take offense at, this is my blogg and I can ramble as much as I'd like. Other than that...God bless us, every one.

Murky Waters

I wish I could play the drums. I've decided that is my favorite instrument. I thought it was the piano for a while, but its not. The piano is now second. I want to be a drummer. Don't go and get any ideas and buy me a set of drums, or they'll do exactly what my bass and keyboard is doing right now...collect dust.

I get to be a part of this life group with my church, Midtown, and it is by far the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. These guys are so authentic and genuine, not to mention unbelievably attractive. I think that's why they put us all together, to have the best looking life group ever.

Ok, so here's what I'm thinking about right now. Christianity today is so clouded. I find myself tired of sorting through agendas in order to hear truth. It shouldn't be this way. I'm thinking its like this, there's Jesus and this incredible truth He embodied, this way of living He demonstrated, and then for the past 2000 years we've piled on layer after layer of man made crap. I said crap, could have said something else. The even scarier thing is that we've convinced ourselves that some, and maybe even a lot, of this crap is necessary. I just want to peel back these layers and immerse myself in the raw and original truth of the Gospel, but whats sad is that more often than not when someone starts to do this, peel back the layers of man made religion, they are labeled as a heretic, and that's an ugly word.

Here's whats really scary. I did a bunch of research a while ago about Elijah and why what he did was so important. He's labeled as the greatest prophet ever in the Old Testament, but honestly when you read his story compared to the rest of the prophets, it really doesn't seem like he did as much as the rest of them, but anyway. So Ahab was king while he was a prophet and his wife was Jezebel, major witch. It says that Ahab angered God more than any of the kings before him. Why you might ask...let me tell you. Before Ahab, all the kings allowed, encouraged, and embraced the worshiping of idols. I found out that the worshiping of idols wasn't necessarily replacing God with a different deity, but they were often seen as something that allowed worship God. It was like, hey, here's this golden object...worship it and it will help you reach God. Ahab on the other hand replaced God with Baal, and I mean what jealous one true God wouldn't get peeved about this?

But back to the idol thing. A lot of times they weren't attempts to replace God, but things that were seen as necessary aides in order to reach God...hmmm. Could some of these "layers" we've piled on our faith, that we've made a part of this thing we called Christianity actually be idols? Things that we've labeled as necessities in order to understand Jesus, that actually... aren't? I'm just asking, maybe you should to.

I just want to let Jesus breathe. I know He doesn't need my help, but He's pretty incredible on His own.

It's Not Always, Always

When driving, why does it take some people so long to turn right? It's almost as if they picture themselves in the Olympics, "here we go, the approach is good, now oh, oh, oh, yessss, stuck it." Shut up and turn already, your blinker's going to burn out.

The fact that lost love hurts as much as it does proves to me its worth living for. If it is that noticeable when it's gone, then honestly, what is it?

Trevor and I were talking the other day, you know discussing how to change the world from the kitchen counter-top, and he said something that has been bouncing around in my head for a while. He said in one way or another that the older we get the less we buy into absolutes. Absolutes are things that we label as "always", or "all the time." I totally agree. There really are very, very few absolutes in this life. People aren't always like this, things don't always turn out like that.

But there really is beauty in this. It seems to me that life pushes us towards a relational way of living. Things don't fit into formulas. People don't fit into equations. God doesn't exist inside of a method. It is though how we seem to approach these things. If I treat this person this way, say these certain things, follow these steps, then this will happen. I haven't found this to be true very often. God is the same way. I find myself thinking, if I read this much scripture, say these prayers, have this attitude, this behavior then God will respond the way I want Him to. Is He God, or is He a video game? When I think this way I'm not relating to a living God, I'm relating to a method, a equation, a formula, and not a divine being.

What God wants is for us to know Him. To ask Him, "Why did you do that?" Things aren't always so black and white, but that's ok, we tend to enjoy the colors anyway.

I think something incredible happens when we approach people this way as well. We very good at trying to wrap somebody up in a single moment based on first impressions or stereotypes. We see them behaving a certain way and we sum them up instantly. An entire life defined in a moment.

Jesus didn't do this. I heard a really good sermon last night on Luke chapter 7 by my friend Dustin Willis. It's the story of the woman, a prostitute, that washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and covered them with expensive perfume. I was thinking about how differently the religious guys looked at her compared to how Jesus looked at her. The religious guys saw her as a prostitute, a horrible person living a horrible life, they summed her up in an instant. Jesus didn't do that. He looked at her in love, with compassion. Jesus looked at her and not only saw her in her current condition, but also her whole life, everything that brought her to that moment. He knew, because He is God, that this woman's dream from the time she was a child wasn't to grow up and become a prostitute, but that a lot of things happened to get her there. Jesus' compassion on this woman not only forgave her of her sins, but it set her free from a life controlled by them. She knew after that moment that Jesus understood, but also that she didn't have to live that way anymore.

Life is relational. With God and with each other. It can be painful, but even then it still shows itself to be beautiful.

The one-eyed critic

Thanks to everyone who reads this and double thanks to those of you who have sent me messages about what I think about. It really means a lot!

I like the way rain on hot pavement smells, but I don't like the dead worms scattered all over the place.

I'm going to Tampa, Fla this weekend for The Next Big Thing music festival. Jimmy Eat World, Angels and Airwaves, Mute Math, Paramore, Sum 41, Shiny Toy Guns and a whole lot more. Not to mention Michael, Matt, and Rob. Its going to be great.

I don't like it when someone slaps you on the lower back, even if its on accident, it hurts, and the kind of hurt that makes me angry. Its kind of funny actually.

Do you have any idea how many half read books I have sitting around my room? Probably not. Well there's like 5. Half read books...is that grammatically correct?

One thing I'm getting tired of doing is critiquing other people. It really is getting old. People who like to communicate scripture also like to listen to other people that like to communicate scripture on podcasts and things like that. But we also like to decide who is better than who and who is legit and who preaches the Word better and on and on and on. I don't mind having preferences and favorites, but I'm tired of calling someone right and another person wrong. Its too close to the whole judging thing.

It seems that we humans love to sit back and judge the world according to our standards our rules and we really have no idea about their world, or their rules. I think perhaps why Jesus had such a problem with judging has to do with the fact that good ole Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That sounds like the knowledge to be able to determine whats right and whats wrong...the knowledge that enables one to judge perhaps? That right is reserved for Mr. Almighty Himself and I'm quite alright with letting Him do it. Judgement looks an awful lot like the first rebellion, but then again so do a lot of other things that I find myself doing.

Thinking

I saw August Rush last night. Pretty good movie. Although I think it was the cheesy version of what it should have been. That makes since to me. Dialogue was a little weak, but it was a great story. It touches on the truth that music is powerful. Robin Williams who played a crazy street musician named Wizard said, "Music is God's little reminder that there's more than this, more than us out there." Well put.

Girls smell so much better than boys.

You should listen to the podcast Story by Donald Miller when he spoke at Mars Hill. Its interesting. Here's to telling a good story.

"To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." Proverbs 21:3
-You could talk about this from many different angles, but it seems we're quicker to give something up or deprive ourselves from something for God than we are to do what is right. Is this easier?

"The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is, ' because the kingdom of God is within you." Luke 17:20-21
-I often look for the kingdom of God outside or separate from myself, as if something else will usher it in. God has chosen to reveal it through us and the way we live. Privilege and responsibility. I'm feelin ya Spiderman.

Hope (part deux)

Should I be bothered that no one comments on my blogg? That is a shameless attempt to get your comments :).

One of my favorite things to watch is milk or cream being poured into coffee...gorgeous.

Mike and Ikes might be the best road trip candy.

Rachel is on her way home. Yay!

Hope. Our world doesn't have much. We live during a time when you don't have to convince people that this world is messed up, that its not the way its supposed to be. Believer's, non-believers alike, we can all admit it. Watch the news, read the paper, look at the world around you. Horrible things happen. Hope is what people need.

Thats what I love about Jesus. He brings so much hope. He is hope incarnate. I read through the gospels and time and time again before Jesus heals someone He lets them know that it is according to their faith that they are healed. Interesting. He really doesn't have to say it that way, but He...does. It's according to YOUR faith. Its like Jesus doesn't just want to heal their sickness, but He wants them to know that there is something incredibly powerful living inside of them that can accomplish unbelievable things.

Often it seems that our goal as "Christians" is for people on the outside to look at our lives and feel bad about how they are living. Its almost as if we want people to walk away from us feeling like garbage because somehow thats going to make them change. Conviction is part of the process, but its not the end that we're working for. People walked away from an ecounter with Jesus knowing that it was according to THEIR faith, they walked away believing that they didn't have to live this way anymore, they walked away with hope that there was a better way to live. Hope.

Hope

I believe in God. That's not something I change my mind about that much, well ever. I do have doubts sometimes, but they never lead me to give up my belief in God. I say this because I think its funny that I have these moments where I'm so confronted by the fact that there is a God that I almost lose my mind.

There are these events, realizations, or encounters that stop me where I'm at and almost completely shut me down. Its like everything we've heard about is true. How good He is. How big He is. How much He loves us. Its all true. This God whose dream is responsible for all that we see and know is real.

It reminds me of the Santa days of Christmas. Going to bed on the 24th so excited, so anxious. Waking up in the morning and tip toeing my way to the living room, holding my breath. Hoping that everything I believed about Christmas and Santa would somehow find its way to my living room and then seeing the evidence that he was actually here. I know there are plenty of reasons why this is a bad analogy for my belief in God, but one thing I do understand is that there is hope involved. God is hope realized. Hope that there is something out there that makes this worth it, makes it right. God is like everything we've heard about. God is our hope.

Inspiration

Q-tips have to be one of the greatest inventions of all time. The after shower version is my favorite.

Fall=chapped lips and I like that.

Angels and Airwaves makes me think of God. No, really. I'm not even sure if these guys are followers of Christ, or if they meant for their cd to inspire me to worship, but seriously. This is what gets me a little frustrated. Of all people who should be inspired shouldn't it be followers of Jesus? We have so much to be inspired by! I get tired of Christian garbage. Here's the formula for the majority of Christian music, or atleast the way I see it; how many nice things can i say about God in three minutes+a cheap melody+pop's latest flavor of the month= a 14.95 worship cd.

God is worthy of so much more than that. I listen to things like Angels and Airwaves, wether they're followers of Christ or not, Sigur Ros, Mute Math, Coldplay, and I reminded of the fact that we are created in the image of a creative God.

The other night I sat and watched a friend of mine, Aaron Robertson, do what God created him to do, make music. Thats how I define inspiration. Its coming in contact with the infinite that is buried inside of us. When it happens its beautiful, powerful, and right. Be inspired today.

Aaron Robertson...keep making that music!

War of the worlds

Tom Cruise is crazy. Spooky magic man.

Hasn't Dip n Dots been the ice cream of the future for long enough?

Whats behind this feeling of accomplishment that we like so much? Is it the satisfaction of doing something we haven't done before, or is it the relief that comes with checking something off our "to do list"?

But then, we live in far too many worlds, and they seem to be way too small. We trap ourselves into these compartmentalized little lives that somehow have nothing to do with eachother. They are convienent and play by our rules. There is only one world and all of us live in it together. See was driving in town the other day and it was pouring down rain, i mean K-9's and felines, a regular toad washer. There was this guy walking in the rain, drenched and miserable. I thought to myself, "If I didn't have somewhere to go I'd give this guy a ride, but I mean I have things to do so of course it makes since that I won't." Then I looked at all the cars driving by that were probably thinking the same thing. Its like, "this is my world and you don't fit into it right now."

We're all in this together. Injustice happens all around us all the time, just because it doesn't affect us doesn't mean it has nothing to do with us. The fact that it happens in the world we live in should bother us. I'm not sure if any of this makes since, I just want the world to be a different place because I'm in it, and because there's a God whose dream has died in order that it would come true.

October Sky

I just arrived back in South Carolina after a quick trip home to Indiana. It was basically a trip which enabled me to hit my "reset button." Lets be honest, a lot has changed since the last time I was home and I really just wanted the ten hour drive to be my labratory for sorting things out.

Honestly the only thing, besides family and friends, that I miss about Indiana is the fall. Its beautiful there this time of year. The trees are all burnt colors, harvest decorations are out, the smell of burning leaves, and my personal favorite; the sky. It looks so...old. The clouds seem so close and they're this sort of ancient grey color that causes me to be very reflective. The following are some things that I thought about during my adventure. I apologize in advance.

I find some of the similarities that exist between virtually all people from all over the world to be really interesting. From what I understand, civilizations formed after the separation of Pangaea, the super continent, but you find so many similarities between different ethnic groups. I'm not making any claims about the existence of God, I'm just pointing out a few things.
1. Weapons. So many cultures developed spears, knives, and swords. I know. They're not very complicated, but a lot of people had the same idea. But what about the bow and arrow? I mean who didn't come up with that idea? The American Indians, Europeans, and Asians all shot at each other with feather tipped death sticks.
2. Clapping. Whose idea was this? Oh I have a great idea. Whenever someone does something deemed excellent, lets slap our hands together really fast for a long period of time.
3. Singing. I wonder if everyone does this in the shower?
4. This one might be my favorite. Somehow everyone designated the movement of ones head up and down to mean "yes", and from side to side to mean "no." Figure that one out.
5. We all laugh at humorous things and cry at sad things. Big deal I know.
-anybody else have anymore?

I recently had someone tell me that they believe that when they meet the person they're supposed to be with for the rest of their lives they're just going to know, like God is going to tell them, "this is the one for you." I have to admit, I don't think it works that way. That doesn't sound like the God I know from the Bible. The one that seems to not want to give you more than you need to know for right now (Exodus 16, Matthew 6:34, James 4:13-15). Plus everyone that tells you they knew right away that their spouse was "the one", tells you in hindsight. They're already married, of course they can tell you that they knew from the first time they met them. I would love to travel back in time and corner the guy who says this and ask him right after he met his future wife and ask him if he is going to marry that girl. I'm sure that there is something different about the encounter that gets your attention, but I don't think they know for certain this is the one for them. God requires us to live by faith and I don't think that a relationship is any different. It takes daily submission and commitment and growth for it to work.

Thats all for now, more will follow.

...

Its hard to pick one thing to write about. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. One thing is for sure; God never stops being God.

Faith is such a bizarre thing. Its one of those ideas that we think we have figured out, but when you observe the way we live you'll find we're pretty close to clueless about the subject. Jesus would get so frustrated with the Jews because they would constantly ask for a sign to prove that He was the Christ. He wouldn't do it because He knew that no matter how many signs He gave them they would ask for another, and another. Its like we prompt Jesus, "Ok, you do enough to prove to me that you're worthy of my life, and I'm in. I'll have faith." But His idea of faith is a little different. He says, "Put your faith in Me and you'll see why I'm God and why you aren't."

I just want to believe. I want to believe that God is good, that He's right. I want faith, not because of what He's done, but because of who He is.

Painfully Beautiful

I'm not one to share my personal life on the internet, so pardon the lack of details. The past week has been without question the most painful of my entire life. I've lost something that meant so much to me. I lost her.
I find myself in a strange place. I hurt, but I don't regret. I've discovered that life is this painfully beautiful wreck that somehow wiggles itself into making since when you least expect it. The way I feel now...horrible, but what I see is, in a way, beautiful. It's life. It's real. It's raw. It's messy.
I don't want any of it back. Its all hers to keep. Parts of me will always be hers and I don't want them back. They belong where they are.
Its so great that God has made us people who are capable of sharing our lives with others. The danger is in making this a trivial thing and not respecting the implications it has. But I do praise God that my soul is capable of touching another. Friends, family, loved ones. We don't just co-exist. We can actually share life together, and as painful as that is, it's also incredibly beautiful.

New Ends and Old Beginnings

Approaching the end is usually a bit stranger than the end itself. Needless to say there has been a whole lot of change taking place in my little corner of the universe. Well, see thats the thing...the change hasn't taken place yet, its just about to. Its almost like the apprehension before pulling of the bandaide is somewhat worse than actually pulling it off. I'm in no way defining my current circumstances with the removing of a scabby bandaide, but I think there are some similarities.

Last night was Reverand Wade Joye's last Ignite. It was strange, but awesome. It felt like worship was genuine and passionate. I was just reminded how good of a thing we have here and I'm honestly just going to be a bit sad without it. There is also a fear inside of me that ten years down the road I'm going to look back at this as my peak. Its not that the past four years haven't been great...they've been remarkable, but my hope is to always be reaching for the next step.

Wade-wow. You are such an awesome man of God and I know you will read this because in all of your computer savy your superior intellect will inform you of my new blogg. You have been one of the greatest human influences in my life and I can confidently say that I probably have never been around a better man. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

God has informed me that I have been asking the wrong question. My question is usually, "What great thing do you have for me to do?"-lets be honest, I don't talk like that...I think I stole that from Oswald Chambers or something-I think God is instead instructing me to ask, "Who is the great man you would have me to be." I think what we do flows every so naturally out of who we are. I wonder if all the great men of God were even aware of the great things they were doing for Him because they were so occupied with trying to be like Him.

Most of my bad decisions were just one "No" away from not happening. Thats encouraging and disheartening at the same time. Does, "I gave it my best shot" sound familiar? Yeah, me too. I'm not so sure that I'm called to give it my best shot, but instead to use His limitless power to live the life He has called me to. I mean seriously, God hasn't commanded us to live a life incapable of livivng.

Um..."cough, cough"...how's it goin?

Maybe if I don't make such a big deal about how long its been since I last posted a blog no one will notice...
Hello world-wide web. I honestly don't know what to write about I just feel guilty for taking up some sort of space on the internet and doing nothing with it. Lets just see what happens.

Rachel...I miss you! I know I can be an insensitive, and horrible...fill in the explicitive...of a friend, BUT I love your guts and I'm praying my face off for you..not really, but I'm doing to start. You really are a great friend and the truth of that is deeply felt and also realized when you're not around.

I want to be the kind of person that greets the greeter at Wal-Mart. I mean even beat them to the greet...be a "greeter beater" maybe...Rachel is laughing right now about this. I tried it today and I definitely won and totally caught the old chap by surprise. I've started my greeter beater career off to a wonderful start. 1-0...FAAAntastic.

Over the past decade since I've written on this thing there has been a lot on my mind, a lot that I intended to blog about, but one moment has made its way to the front of the line. I was asked to speak at a spring retreat a few months ago by a youth pastor friend and I went. It was a great experience and I loved every second of it. Especially this particular moment. One of the junior high boys asked me to talk with him one night after the session. We sat on the porch of this gorgeous beach house in that akward silence that everyone enjoys so much, and I asked him what was up. he had the hardest time getting the question out. He started to ask it atleast three times but he would stop before he spoke the first word each time. Finally he managed to ask me with his head down and his ridiculously cool hair in his face, "How...how do you love?"

Any suggestions? I was floored, honestly. I had spent the entire night talking about the subject and the need for more of it, but then this happened. I almost asked him to ask me another question. I mean seriously. I've been wrestling with this question ever since. I mean yeah, I could give the typical answers that we've all heard or read..."serving others, giving, caring...blah blah blah." But I'm not sure the most powerful action in the universe can be explained with the Boy Scout motto. Love requires a whole lot of somebody, maybe even everything.

So maybe I'm going to be ok with spending my entire life learning how to love and then hopefully I can give my entire life to the cause of doing it.

tastey tastey

I don't like the way my mouth feels right now. I ate some of these chocolate candy eggs, they were marvelous, but now my mouth feels like its covered in rubber cement. Good thing my parents got me an electric toothbrush.
Speak of brushing my teeth. Does anyone else have to go pee when they are brushing their teeth or washing dishes? Vaccuming as well. Maybe I just pee a lot.
Tonight, I colored eggs. This would have definitely been an activity that would have forced me to question my manhood if there hadn't been a girl involved. Mary suggested we color eggs tonight, so we colored eggs. I actually really got into it, but I discovered that my masculinity makes it difficult for me to be a stellar egg decorator.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the mountains. I'm very very ready. Maybe I'll wrestle a bear.

So This Is How You Do It...

How about a normal blogg? Lets give it a shot....

I was going to try and not do this, but again in the words of Squince Paladoras, who seems to be my hero, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'm at that point where if I'm honest I'm not really all that happy for my girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's had an amazing time and she's learned and grown so much, because wow she has, but now I'm just ready for her to come home. Its like, "ok Dominican, you've had you're four months, now I, and the rest of her friends/family, want her back." Ok, enough for the blogg PDA....well almost enough...i'm crazy about her.

On another note, God has just been...well awesome. I've seen Him do so much in the past week, from college group to The Remix and then Ignite. Its jaw dropping to see Him do such real work. I love when our faith gets removed from its comfy little box and becomes real. I love when you see real, authenitc life change in both yourself and other people. I saw some real authentic life change over this past week and its reminded me of why I accepted this ludacris call into the ministry. Its about real people, hurting and broken, coming to meet Jesus. Its rejuivinating. I get kind of tired sometimes of taking care of Christians. Thats not a shot at anyone, it just seems how the church in general runs things. Take care of who we got and then we can worry about those other people. And I don't mean specifically my church, but just our church, the American church if you will. Its just nice to see someone genuinely just want to know God. This girl accepted Christ on Sunday and it was just...right. She apologized for hurting God and it was so sincere. She even apologized for throwing away her "Jesus is My Homeboy" shirt, and then she humbly asked Jesus to be hers. Wow.

This Jesus thing, its...real.