Tragedy

I recently discovered my passion for splitting logs. It is so much fun. I honestly don't think I've experienced an emotional roller coaster quite like it. There's nothing better than seeing a log split under the power of my swing, aaand nothing more disheartening than watching the axe bounce off the top of top of the log, leaving the piece of wood in tact, and mocking me.

I have this suspicion that while creating their beloved masterpieces many artists had their audinece in mind. I don't think they created their work thinking, "I wonder what they'll like." I think it was probably more like a desperate attempt to get something that was internally consuming them, out. Much like giving birth. Gross.

So here's what I was thinking about during Christmas. I was confronted with the tragedy of Christmas. Seriously. Read this..."Through him all things were made; with out him nothing was made that has been made.....He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not recieve him." John 1:3, 10-11.

There's something terribly wrong with this picture. God, our source, our origin, our purpose comes to us, and what should be the most easily recognizable thing, the most anticipated arrival wasn't recieved at all. Tragedy. I can look in our world though and I can see this. Can't you? Its suprisingly easy to look and see a world that's not the way it was intended to be. It seems somewhat lacking, something is missing, things are damaged. That's a truth most people can agree on whether they believe in God or not.

Is there anything more painful to watch than someone trying to be somebody they're not? Ah, it's almost unbearable! I think thats why I have such a hard time watching Meet the Parents...Focker...you're so akward. I love The Office, but goodness Michael can drive me nuts. Maybe you've been that guy who has butted in on a conversation and pretended to know what they were talking about when you really didn't. My skin is crawling just thinking about it. Is this what we look like? A bunch of people standing around the preverbial water cooler all pretending to know what's going on? There's a good chance.

This is the tragedy of Christmas to me. God, what defines us, presents Himself to us and we don't even recogize Him. Ouch. The pain He must have felt, and still feels. Donald Miller says it like this, "I don't think we can understand the pain a pure love would feel after being betrayed by the focus of its love."

But there is hope to be found in Christmas, one verse down actually. "Yet to all who recieve him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God-children born not of a natural descent, nor of human decision or a husband's will, but born of God." John 1:12-13

There is a hope out there. You do have a defenition, an origin, a purpose and He came here to rescue us. Merry Christmas.

Do You See What I See...?

I've never experienced a time in my life where God has answered so many prayers, done so much, or been so evident. Yesterday I felt the urge to thank Him individually for all the things He has done and so I wrote them down. As I went down the list expressing my gratitude for each "blessing" I began to feel rather foolish. I found that the response that I wanted to express wasn't necessarily gratitude for the things God had given me, but it was something deeper. It was the mind blowing truth that He is...real, and if God is real, then by definition He is worthy of my gratitude. I don't think the benefit of answered prayer is found in the answers themselves, but its in the face to face encounter with a real, powerful God that knows you.

Something else I've noticed is this; the more obedient I've become the more liberal I think. Hear me out. Not liberal in a political sense, not loose on my morals, or on the truths that I believe in, but on the way that I choose to let these truths flesh out. Its like when I actually have an "aha" moment about something that has to do with God and what He's about I can't stand to put it in a box and look at it one way. The Gospel and Jesus Christ are bigger than myself and my pea sized brain. Why do we have to do things the way we have always done them? I'm not sure all of these great men who we've started our beloved denominations after ever intended for us to be reaching people the same way they did hundreds of years ago. They saw the lost and they discovered a way to reach them, a way that was probably a little liberal for their time. Wesley took bar songs and wrote lyrics for them that taught theology. Here's to being a little liberal.

Along those lines I've also started to discover another interesting relationship. It seems the more obedient I've become the more compassion I have for the broken, for sinners. I'm not going to lie, I've seen a decrease of personal sin in my life and I take absolutely no credit for it, I am far from perfect, I'm still wretched, no good, and all the sorts of things that people who are filled with humility tend to say :), but I am more Christlike than I was a few months ago. That being the case I can honestly say that I look at people who are drenched in sin, held captive by it and my first reaction isn't to judge them, but it is to have compassion on them. Don't mistake this for tolerance, but I want more and more for them to have a encounter with Jesus. I know what its like to live a life along side of Him, and its great. I don't want to make them feel like they can't do it because they're so "wicked", but its my hope that they can understand that Jesus believes that they don't have to live that way anymore. It really is an interesting relationship.

Please disregard anything you could take offense at, this is my blogg and I can ramble as much as I'd like. Other than that...God bless us, every one.

Murky Waters

I wish I could play the drums. I've decided that is my favorite instrument. I thought it was the piano for a while, but its not. The piano is now second. I want to be a drummer. Don't go and get any ideas and buy me a set of drums, or they'll do exactly what my bass and keyboard is doing right now...collect dust.

I get to be a part of this life group with my church, Midtown, and it is by far the best thing that's happened to me in a long time. These guys are so authentic and genuine, not to mention unbelievably attractive. I think that's why they put us all together, to have the best looking life group ever.

Ok, so here's what I'm thinking about right now. Christianity today is so clouded. I find myself tired of sorting through agendas in order to hear truth. It shouldn't be this way. I'm thinking its like this, there's Jesus and this incredible truth He embodied, this way of living He demonstrated, and then for the past 2000 years we've piled on layer after layer of man made crap. I said crap, could have said something else. The even scarier thing is that we've convinced ourselves that some, and maybe even a lot, of this crap is necessary. I just want to peel back these layers and immerse myself in the raw and original truth of the Gospel, but whats sad is that more often than not when someone starts to do this, peel back the layers of man made religion, they are labeled as a heretic, and that's an ugly word.

Here's whats really scary. I did a bunch of research a while ago about Elijah and why what he did was so important. He's labeled as the greatest prophet ever in the Old Testament, but honestly when you read his story compared to the rest of the prophets, it really doesn't seem like he did as much as the rest of them, but anyway. So Ahab was king while he was a prophet and his wife was Jezebel, major witch. It says that Ahab angered God more than any of the kings before him. Why you might ask...let me tell you. Before Ahab, all the kings allowed, encouraged, and embraced the worshiping of idols. I found out that the worshiping of idols wasn't necessarily replacing God with a different deity, but they were often seen as something that allowed worship God. It was like, hey, here's this golden object...worship it and it will help you reach God. Ahab on the other hand replaced God with Baal, and I mean what jealous one true God wouldn't get peeved about this?

But back to the idol thing. A lot of times they weren't attempts to replace God, but things that were seen as necessary aides in order to reach God...hmmm. Could some of these "layers" we've piled on our faith, that we've made a part of this thing we called Christianity actually be idols? Things that we've labeled as necessities in order to understand Jesus, that actually... aren't? I'm just asking, maybe you should to.

I just want to let Jesus breathe. I know He doesn't need my help, but He's pretty incredible on His own.

It's Not Always, Always

When driving, why does it take some people so long to turn right? It's almost as if they picture themselves in the Olympics, "here we go, the approach is good, now oh, oh, oh, yessss, stuck it." Shut up and turn already, your blinker's going to burn out.

The fact that lost love hurts as much as it does proves to me its worth living for. If it is that noticeable when it's gone, then honestly, what is it?

Trevor and I were talking the other day, you know discussing how to change the world from the kitchen counter-top, and he said something that has been bouncing around in my head for a while. He said in one way or another that the older we get the less we buy into absolutes. Absolutes are things that we label as "always", or "all the time." I totally agree. There really are very, very few absolutes in this life. People aren't always like this, things don't always turn out like that.

But there really is beauty in this. It seems to me that life pushes us towards a relational way of living. Things don't fit into formulas. People don't fit into equations. God doesn't exist inside of a method. It is though how we seem to approach these things. If I treat this person this way, say these certain things, follow these steps, then this will happen. I haven't found this to be true very often. God is the same way. I find myself thinking, if I read this much scripture, say these prayers, have this attitude, this behavior then God will respond the way I want Him to. Is He God, or is He a video game? When I think this way I'm not relating to a living God, I'm relating to a method, a equation, a formula, and not a divine being.

What God wants is for us to know Him. To ask Him, "Why did you do that?" Things aren't always so black and white, but that's ok, we tend to enjoy the colors anyway.

I think something incredible happens when we approach people this way as well. We very good at trying to wrap somebody up in a single moment based on first impressions or stereotypes. We see them behaving a certain way and we sum them up instantly. An entire life defined in a moment.

Jesus didn't do this. I heard a really good sermon last night on Luke chapter 7 by my friend Dustin Willis. It's the story of the woman, a prostitute, that washed Jesus' feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and covered them with expensive perfume. I was thinking about how differently the religious guys looked at her compared to how Jesus looked at her. The religious guys saw her as a prostitute, a horrible person living a horrible life, they summed her up in an instant. Jesus didn't do that. He looked at her in love, with compassion. Jesus looked at her and not only saw her in her current condition, but also her whole life, everything that brought her to that moment. He knew, because He is God, that this woman's dream from the time she was a child wasn't to grow up and become a prostitute, but that a lot of things happened to get her there. Jesus' compassion on this woman not only forgave her of her sins, but it set her free from a life controlled by them. She knew after that moment that Jesus understood, but also that she didn't have to live that way anymore.

Life is relational. With God and with each other. It can be painful, but even then it still shows itself to be beautiful.

The one-eyed critic

Thanks to everyone who reads this and double thanks to those of you who have sent me messages about what I think about. It really means a lot!

I like the way rain on hot pavement smells, but I don't like the dead worms scattered all over the place.

I'm going to Tampa, Fla this weekend for The Next Big Thing music festival. Jimmy Eat World, Angels and Airwaves, Mute Math, Paramore, Sum 41, Shiny Toy Guns and a whole lot more. Not to mention Michael, Matt, and Rob. Its going to be great.

I don't like it when someone slaps you on the lower back, even if its on accident, it hurts, and the kind of hurt that makes me angry. Its kind of funny actually.

Do you have any idea how many half read books I have sitting around my room? Probably not. Well there's like 5. Half read books...is that grammatically correct?

One thing I'm getting tired of doing is critiquing other people. It really is getting old. People who like to communicate scripture also like to listen to other people that like to communicate scripture on podcasts and things like that. But we also like to decide who is better than who and who is legit and who preaches the Word better and on and on and on. I don't mind having preferences and favorites, but I'm tired of calling someone right and another person wrong. Its too close to the whole judging thing.

It seems that we humans love to sit back and judge the world according to our standards our rules and we really have no idea about their world, or their rules. I think perhaps why Jesus had such a problem with judging has to do with the fact that good ole Adam and Eve ate from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That sounds like the knowledge to be able to determine whats right and whats wrong...the knowledge that enables one to judge perhaps? That right is reserved for Mr. Almighty Himself and I'm quite alright with letting Him do it. Judgement looks an awful lot like the first rebellion, but then again so do a lot of other things that I find myself doing.

Thinking

I saw August Rush last night. Pretty good movie. Although I think it was the cheesy version of what it should have been. That makes since to me. Dialogue was a little weak, but it was a great story. It touches on the truth that music is powerful. Robin Williams who played a crazy street musician named Wizard said, "Music is God's little reminder that there's more than this, more than us out there." Well put.

Girls smell so much better than boys.

You should listen to the podcast Story by Donald Miller when he spoke at Mars Hill. Its interesting. Here's to telling a good story.

"To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice." Proverbs 21:3
-You could talk about this from many different angles, but it seems we're quicker to give something up or deprive ourselves from something for God than we are to do what is right. Is this easier?

"The kingdom of God does not come with your careful observation, nor will people say, 'Here it is,' or 'There it is, ' because the kingdom of God is within you." Luke 17:20-21
-I often look for the kingdom of God outside or separate from myself, as if something else will usher it in. God has chosen to reveal it through us and the way we live. Privilege and responsibility. I'm feelin ya Spiderman.

Hope (part deux)

Should I be bothered that no one comments on my blogg? That is a shameless attempt to get your comments :).

One of my favorite things to watch is milk or cream being poured into coffee...gorgeous.

Mike and Ikes might be the best road trip candy.

Rachel is on her way home. Yay!

Hope. Our world doesn't have much. We live during a time when you don't have to convince people that this world is messed up, that its not the way its supposed to be. Believer's, non-believers alike, we can all admit it. Watch the news, read the paper, look at the world around you. Horrible things happen. Hope is what people need.

Thats what I love about Jesus. He brings so much hope. He is hope incarnate. I read through the gospels and time and time again before Jesus heals someone He lets them know that it is according to their faith that they are healed. Interesting. He really doesn't have to say it that way, but He...does. It's according to YOUR faith. Its like Jesus doesn't just want to heal their sickness, but He wants them to know that there is something incredibly powerful living inside of them that can accomplish unbelievable things.

Often it seems that our goal as "Christians" is for people on the outside to look at our lives and feel bad about how they are living. Its almost as if we want people to walk away from us feeling like garbage because somehow thats going to make them change. Conviction is part of the process, but its not the end that we're working for. People walked away from an ecounter with Jesus knowing that it was according to THEIR faith, they walked away believing that they didn't have to live this way anymore, they walked away with hope that there was a better way to live. Hope.

Hope

I believe in God. That's not something I change my mind about that much, well ever. I do have doubts sometimes, but they never lead me to give up my belief in God. I say this because I think its funny that I have these moments where I'm so confronted by the fact that there is a God that I almost lose my mind.

There are these events, realizations, or encounters that stop me where I'm at and almost completely shut me down. Its like everything we've heard about is true. How good He is. How big He is. How much He loves us. Its all true. This God whose dream is responsible for all that we see and know is real.

It reminds me of the Santa days of Christmas. Going to bed on the 24th so excited, so anxious. Waking up in the morning and tip toeing my way to the living room, holding my breath. Hoping that everything I believed about Christmas and Santa would somehow find its way to my living room and then seeing the evidence that he was actually here. I know there are plenty of reasons why this is a bad analogy for my belief in God, but one thing I do understand is that there is hope involved. God is hope realized. Hope that there is something out there that makes this worth it, makes it right. God is like everything we've heard about. God is our hope.

Inspiration

Q-tips have to be one of the greatest inventions of all time. The after shower version is my favorite.

Fall=chapped lips and I like that.

Angels and Airwaves makes me think of God. No, really. I'm not even sure if these guys are followers of Christ, or if they meant for their cd to inspire me to worship, but seriously. This is what gets me a little frustrated. Of all people who should be inspired shouldn't it be followers of Jesus? We have so much to be inspired by! I get tired of Christian garbage. Here's the formula for the majority of Christian music, or atleast the way I see it; how many nice things can i say about God in three minutes+a cheap melody+pop's latest flavor of the month= a 14.95 worship cd.

God is worthy of so much more than that. I listen to things like Angels and Airwaves, wether they're followers of Christ or not, Sigur Ros, Mute Math, Coldplay, and I reminded of the fact that we are created in the image of a creative God.

The other night I sat and watched a friend of mine, Aaron Robertson, do what God created him to do, make music. Thats how I define inspiration. Its coming in contact with the infinite that is buried inside of us. When it happens its beautiful, powerful, and right. Be inspired today.

Aaron Robertson...keep making that music!

War of the worlds

Tom Cruise is crazy. Spooky magic man.

Hasn't Dip n Dots been the ice cream of the future for long enough?

Whats behind this feeling of accomplishment that we like so much? Is it the satisfaction of doing something we haven't done before, or is it the relief that comes with checking something off our "to do list"?

But then, we live in far too many worlds, and they seem to be way too small. We trap ourselves into these compartmentalized little lives that somehow have nothing to do with eachother. They are convienent and play by our rules. There is only one world and all of us live in it together. See was driving in town the other day and it was pouring down rain, i mean K-9's and felines, a regular toad washer. There was this guy walking in the rain, drenched and miserable. I thought to myself, "If I didn't have somewhere to go I'd give this guy a ride, but I mean I have things to do so of course it makes since that I won't." Then I looked at all the cars driving by that were probably thinking the same thing. Its like, "this is my world and you don't fit into it right now."

We're all in this together. Injustice happens all around us all the time, just because it doesn't affect us doesn't mean it has nothing to do with us. The fact that it happens in the world we live in should bother us. I'm not sure if any of this makes since, I just want the world to be a different place because I'm in it, and because there's a God whose dream has died in order that it would come true.

October Sky

I just arrived back in South Carolina after a quick trip home to Indiana. It was basically a trip which enabled me to hit my "reset button." Lets be honest, a lot has changed since the last time I was home and I really just wanted the ten hour drive to be my labratory for sorting things out.

Honestly the only thing, besides family and friends, that I miss about Indiana is the fall. Its beautiful there this time of year. The trees are all burnt colors, harvest decorations are out, the smell of burning leaves, and my personal favorite; the sky. It looks so...old. The clouds seem so close and they're this sort of ancient grey color that causes me to be very reflective. The following are some things that I thought about during my adventure. I apologize in advance.

I find some of the similarities that exist between virtually all people from all over the world to be really interesting. From what I understand, civilizations formed after the separation of Pangaea, the super continent, but you find so many similarities between different ethnic groups. I'm not making any claims about the existence of God, I'm just pointing out a few things.
1. Weapons. So many cultures developed spears, knives, and swords. I know. They're not very complicated, but a lot of people had the same idea. But what about the bow and arrow? I mean who didn't come up with that idea? The American Indians, Europeans, and Asians all shot at each other with feather tipped death sticks.
2. Clapping. Whose idea was this? Oh I have a great idea. Whenever someone does something deemed excellent, lets slap our hands together really fast for a long period of time.
3. Singing. I wonder if everyone does this in the shower?
4. This one might be my favorite. Somehow everyone designated the movement of ones head up and down to mean "yes", and from side to side to mean "no." Figure that one out.
5. We all laugh at humorous things and cry at sad things. Big deal I know.
-anybody else have anymore?

I recently had someone tell me that they believe that when they meet the person they're supposed to be with for the rest of their lives they're just going to know, like God is going to tell them, "this is the one for you." I have to admit, I don't think it works that way. That doesn't sound like the God I know from the Bible. The one that seems to not want to give you more than you need to know for right now (Exodus 16, Matthew 6:34, James 4:13-15). Plus everyone that tells you they knew right away that their spouse was "the one", tells you in hindsight. They're already married, of course they can tell you that they knew from the first time they met them. I would love to travel back in time and corner the guy who says this and ask him right after he met his future wife and ask him if he is going to marry that girl. I'm sure that there is something different about the encounter that gets your attention, but I don't think they know for certain this is the one for them. God requires us to live by faith and I don't think that a relationship is any different. It takes daily submission and commitment and growth for it to work.

Thats all for now, more will follow.

...

Its hard to pick one thing to write about. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. One thing is for sure; God never stops being God.

Faith is such a bizarre thing. Its one of those ideas that we think we have figured out, but when you observe the way we live you'll find we're pretty close to clueless about the subject. Jesus would get so frustrated with the Jews because they would constantly ask for a sign to prove that He was the Christ. He wouldn't do it because He knew that no matter how many signs He gave them they would ask for another, and another. Its like we prompt Jesus, "Ok, you do enough to prove to me that you're worthy of my life, and I'm in. I'll have faith." But His idea of faith is a little different. He says, "Put your faith in Me and you'll see why I'm God and why you aren't."

I just want to believe. I want to believe that God is good, that He's right. I want faith, not because of what He's done, but because of who He is.

Painfully Beautiful

I'm not one to share my personal life on the internet, so pardon the lack of details. The past week has been without question the most painful of my entire life. I've lost something that meant so much to me. I lost her.
I find myself in a strange place. I hurt, but I don't regret. I've discovered that life is this painfully beautiful wreck that somehow wiggles itself into making since when you least expect it. The way I feel now...horrible, but what I see is, in a way, beautiful. It's life. It's real. It's raw. It's messy.
I don't want any of it back. Its all hers to keep. Parts of me will always be hers and I don't want them back. They belong where they are.
Its so great that God has made us people who are capable of sharing our lives with others. The danger is in making this a trivial thing and not respecting the implications it has. But I do praise God that my soul is capable of touching another. Friends, family, loved ones. We don't just co-exist. We can actually share life together, and as painful as that is, it's also incredibly beautiful.

New Ends and Old Beginnings

Approaching the end is usually a bit stranger than the end itself. Needless to say there has been a whole lot of change taking place in my little corner of the universe. Well, see thats the thing...the change hasn't taken place yet, its just about to. Its almost like the apprehension before pulling of the bandaide is somewhat worse than actually pulling it off. I'm in no way defining my current circumstances with the removing of a scabby bandaide, but I think there are some similarities.

Last night was Reverand Wade Joye's last Ignite. It was strange, but awesome. It felt like worship was genuine and passionate. I was just reminded how good of a thing we have here and I'm honestly just going to be a bit sad without it. There is also a fear inside of me that ten years down the road I'm going to look back at this as my peak. Its not that the past four years haven't been great...they've been remarkable, but my hope is to always be reaching for the next step.

Wade-wow. You are such an awesome man of God and I know you will read this because in all of your computer savy your superior intellect will inform you of my new blogg. You have been one of the greatest human influences in my life and I can confidently say that I probably have never been around a better man. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

God has informed me that I have been asking the wrong question. My question is usually, "What great thing do you have for me to do?"-lets be honest, I don't talk like that...I think I stole that from Oswald Chambers or something-I think God is instead instructing me to ask, "Who is the great man you would have me to be." I think what we do flows every so naturally out of who we are. I wonder if all the great men of God were even aware of the great things they were doing for Him because they were so occupied with trying to be like Him.

Most of my bad decisions were just one "No" away from not happening. Thats encouraging and disheartening at the same time. Does, "I gave it my best shot" sound familiar? Yeah, me too. I'm not so sure that I'm called to give it my best shot, but instead to use His limitless power to live the life He has called me to. I mean seriously, God hasn't commanded us to live a life incapable of livivng.

Um..."cough, cough"...how's it goin?

Maybe if I don't make such a big deal about how long its been since I last posted a blog no one will notice...
Hello world-wide web. I honestly don't know what to write about I just feel guilty for taking up some sort of space on the internet and doing nothing with it. Lets just see what happens.

Rachel...I miss you! I know I can be an insensitive, and horrible...fill in the explicitive...of a friend, BUT I love your guts and I'm praying my face off for you..not really, but I'm doing to start. You really are a great friend and the truth of that is deeply felt and also realized when you're not around.

I want to be the kind of person that greets the greeter at Wal-Mart. I mean even beat them to the greet...be a "greeter beater" maybe...Rachel is laughing right now about this. I tried it today and I definitely won and totally caught the old chap by surprise. I've started my greeter beater career off to a wonderful start. 1-0...FAAAntastic.

Over the past decade since I've written on this thing there has been a lot on my mind, a lot that I intended to blog about, but one moment has made its way to the front of the line. I was asked to speak at a spring retreat a few months ago by a youth pastor friend and I went. It was a great experience and I loved every second of it. Especially this particular moment. One of the junior high boys asked me to talk with him one night after the session. We sat on the porch of this gorgeous beach house in that akward silence that everyone enjoys so much, and I asked him what was up. he had the hardest time getting the question out. He started to ask it atleast three times but he would stop before he spoke the first word each time. Finally he managed to ask me with his head down and his ridiculously cool hair in his face, "How...how do you love?"

Any suggestions? I was floored, honestly. I had spent the entire night talking about the subject and the need for more of it, but then this happened. I almost asked him to ask me another question. I mean seriously. I've been wrestling with this question ever since. I mean yeah, I could give the typical answers that we've all heard or read..."serving others, giving, caring...blah blah blah." But I'm not sure the most powerful action in the universe can be explained with the Boy Scout motto. Love requires a whole lot of somebody, maybe even everything.

So maybe I'm going to be ok with spending my entire life learning how to love and then hopefully I can give my entire life to the cause of doing it.

tastey tastey

I don't like the way my mouth feels right now. I ate some of these chocolate candy eggs, they were marvelous, but now my mouth feels like its covered in rubber cement. Good thing my parents got me an electric toothbrush.
Speak of brushing my teeth. Does anyone else have to go pee when they are brushing their teeth or washing dishes? Vaccuming as well. Maybe I just pee a lot.
Tonight, I colored eggs. This would have definitely been an activity that would have forced me to question my manhood if there hadn't been a girl involved. Mary suggested we color eggs tonight, so we colored eggs. I actually really got into it, but I discovered that my masculinity makes it difficult for me to be a stellar egg decorator.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the mountains. I'm very very ready. Maybe I'll wrestle a bear.

So This Is How You Do It...

How about a normal blogg? Lets give it a shot....

I was going to try and not do this, but again in the words of Squince Paladoras, who seems to be my hero, I JUST CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'm at that point where if I'm honest I'm not really all that happy for my girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's had an amazing time and she's learned and grown so much, because wow she has, but now I'm just ready for her to come home. Its like, "ok Dominican, you've had you're four months, now I, and the rest of her friends/family, want her back." Ok, enough for the blogg PDA....well almost enough...i'm crazy about her.

On another note, God has just been...well awesome. I've seen Him do so much in the past week, from college group to The Remix and then Ignite. Its jaw dropping to see Him do such real work. I love when our faith gets removed from its comfy little box and becomes real. I love when you see real, authenitc life change in both yourself and other people. I saw some real authentic life change over this past week and its reminded me of why I accepted this ludacris call into the ministry. Its about real people, hurting and broken, coming to meet Jesus. Its rejuivinating. I get kind of tired sometimes of taking care of Christians. Thats not a shot at anyone, it just seems how the church in general runs things. Take care of who we got and then we can worry about those other people. And I don't mean specifically my church, but just our church, the American church if you will. Its just nice to see someone genuinely just want to know God. This girl accepted Christ on Sunday and it was just...right. She apologized for hurting God and it was so sincere. She even apologized for throwing away her "Jesus is My Homeboy" shirt, and then she humbly asked Jesus to be hers. Wow.

This Jesus thing, its...real.

Hmm...

• Driving around with the windows down listening to Jack Johnson and or G. Love on one of those abnormally warm "winter"days.
• Really good coffee.
• Chocolate milk.
• Seeing someone you love after not seeing them for a long time.
• Taking off your shoes and socks after a long day and rubbing them into the carpet.
• Getting ridiculously sunburned at the beach, going back to the hotel room, showering and going out to eat.
• Meeting new people.
• Hanging out in the kitchen telling stories and laughing until your throat is sore.
• A really good workout.
• First kisses.
• Watching little kids play in a fountain on a hot day.
• Birds.
• Driving by yourself at night listening to a song that comes alive when the sun goes down.
• Wet asphalt.
• The way the trees sound when the breeze dances with them.
• Getting lost in a good book.
• Laughing when you're not supposed to.
• Licking the frosting off of a cupcake.
• New places.
• Being afraid.
• The cool spots under the pillow and in the sheets.
• Eye contact.

I love knowing that whenever I experience these things that they aren't just accidents, but they are proof that I am loved by a God with a huge imagination. Because I know God, these aren't just experiences that I hope for, these are places where I find God and I am swept away by His love for me. "The earth is the Lord's and everything in it, the world and all who live it in." Psalm 24:1. "My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. Awake my soul! Awake, harp and lyre! I will awaken the dawn."

7 dollars and 50 cents worth of macho madness

I came home last night and went to bed a man. I went with some friends to see the movie 300, somebody should warn you about a movie like that. If I wouldn't have been for the soothing effect of Cherry Coke, I may have waylaid the entire theatre. The testosterone in me was screaming to get out. But for serious, the movie was great, minus the incredibly awkward nude/sex scenes. Go see it...twice maybe.

S.O.S.

I almost forgot. I need help editing my blogg. Like with links and such. I don't know how to do it, and how do I make my blogg look all cool and trendy. I'm really not digging the templates blogger has to offer. Help me please.

Diggle Diggle

I don't have much to say, but I saw Rachel do this so I want to do this. Here's a list of some of my new favorite things...

10. Organic peanut butter.
9. The Mediterranian Cafe's grilled chicken and vegetables.
8. Amos Lee.
7. Tostones and the green tomatilla sauce.
6. Blogger-I have a new obsession.
5. Speed Stak.
4. The Battle for Middle Earth II for the Xbox 360-shut up.
3. Xbox 360.
2. My new Canon digital camera.
1. Not having a parasite living in my intestines any more.

Dude. How could I not inform the world about THAT. As most of you know I went down to the Domincan Republic...i like how i said "as most of you know", like everyone that knows me is reading this or something. I had an amazing time with my girlfriend. I do think this is the first time I've mentioned her in my blog. I don't know why I don't talk about her more on here. Yeah I do. I feel like if I were to talk about her on here it would almost be a strange form of PDA and I'm not a huge PDA guy. Anyway. Had a great time and then I came home. I got home on a monday and then thursday night I started getting these weird cramps. It felt like I had the bubble gut but I was firing blanks. All bark and no bite kind of thing. Friday waaaas a different story. I proceded to have the green apple quick step for 5 days followed by two days of my best impression of a plado fun factory. I am happy to report that I am up and at em thanks to some awesome antibiotics and some groovy little muscle relaxers. There ya go folks. I'm lightening up my posts.

pea-sized bologna

I was reading the back of my toothpaste tube yesterday so that I could enlarge my dental hygene data base. I had honestly never read the "Directions" on the back of the tube and I had some time to kill so I took a look at what Crest had to say about brushing your teeth. Did you know that they instruct you to put a "pea-sized" amount onto your brush? I mean come on. Really? Here we are trusting the health of our canines and molars to a company that measures the accurate amount of toothpaste in vegetable sizes. Is this some kind of conspiracy? Do Crest and DelMonte have some sort of deal in this?

Home

Home, everyone has one. For those of us in college or just out of college, we tend to have two; where your parents are and where you live now. I guess I bring it up because I recently traveled to see my girlfriend in the Dominican Republic which required me to stop in New York City. I love New York City because of its people. Yes, they're rude and they have some ridiculous accents, but there's so many of them! Something happens to me when I see that many people. I was only in the airport, but the airport is filled with so many stories. So many people going to so many different places with so many different homes! It floors me sometimes to think about how much I don't know. How many people I haven't met whose stories have nothing to do with me. I find myself people watching and asking myself in my mind and sometimes out loud, "Where did this person just come from? Where are they going to? Where's home?" Its fun, but it kind of gets my head spinning.

Of course God comes into the picture. Not only does God know everybody's story, but the person whom the story belongs to was His idea. He put them together thought by thought, completely on purpose and I guess when I'm confronted with all of those people with all of those stories I get a fragment of an idea of how big God is. Big seems like a silly word compared to God after seeing so many stories coming from and going to so many places.

I'm a Lion

I've decided that if I were an animal, I'd be a lion. I don't care what you think, I don't want to hear any crap about looking like a friggin teddy bear, because I'm not. I'm fierce, I'm wild, and I'm the king of the stinkin jungle. If you have a problem with this I'll eat your face off. What animal would you be?

One Minute, Forty-Five Seconds

First of all, props to my home girl Rachel for catching my spelling blunders. I honestly suck at spelling and I would be clueless to the fact if it weren't for BASS watching my back.

The first thing I do in the morning is fix a cup of coffee. I'm actually really good at getting out of bed as soon as the alarm goes off. I don't think that I'm actually awake, but I'm on auto-pilot. I wake up, make my bed, and head into the kitchen. I'm not aware of what I'm doing until I'm in the kitchen. I also think that it's impossible for me to speak until my first cup of coffee, and that brings us to the subject of this post...

Most of the time I have coffee left over from the day before, yeah I know gross, but I really don't notice in the morning. I poor a cup and put it in the microwave for a minute and forty five seconds and then I wait, and wait, an wait...do realize how long a minute and forty five seconds can last? It's incredible. It doesn't sound like much, but I've realized that I can accomplish a lot in a minute and forty five seconds. Its sort of become a game I play. I see how much I can get done in a minute a forty five seconds. One time I was able to get Tozer (our dog) breakfast (pour both the food and the water), change my clothes (I work outside early in the mornings so that's three layers of clothing), and even check my e-mail before the timer went off on the microwave. It's incredible.

I'm not sure if a minute and forty fives seconds feels like a long time just because I'm impatiently waiting for my morning "go juice", or if it actually is a long time. I always recieved poor marks for my time management skills in elementary school. Honestly I think its a horrible thing to test elementary school students for time management skills, can they even tell time? The only time management I ever understood were those paper chains you would make to countdown the days until Christmas.

I think that a minute and forty five seconds happens to be a good amount of time. I wonder how much could be done if I took advantage of every one minute and forty-five second interval. I would appreciate a lot more. Time with my friends, naps, beauty, face time with God. Jack Johnson probably had the same life altering experience warming up a cup of joe when he penned the words, "Slow down everyone, you're moving too fast." So here's to you Jacky J, and just imagine what would happen if I warmed up my coffee for two minutes a ten seconds.

The Bottom Shelf

The only time I like to shop for groceries is when I'm hungry. It quickly morphs from a necessary evil to an exciting adventure. There's a lot I love about late night Walmart runs. Buying what you really don't need, having a contest with Trevor to see who spends less. I've figured out that whoever purchases the frozen chicken breasts typically loses. The rare encounter with an attractive member of the opposite sex sprinkled in there from time to time, but my favorite thing about the Walmart endeavor is about six inches from the ground, keep looking, a little farther down, about ankle height. Ah, yes, there it is; the bottom shelf. Collegiate best friend, home of the beat up and bedraggled. Where the deformed and naked find shelter.

It is a good day when a overdrafting college student stumbles upon the mountain of goodies on the bottom shelf. Its where they put the cheap stuff. Dented and crushed cans with torn labels for 10 cents and piles of Ramen that will cost you less than a tank of gas. A person could possibly buy a weeks worth of food for less than the cost of single text book.

There's something homey about the bottom shelf. I can't help but smile and say, "hey guys" when i look down at those cylinder shaped rejects. Its almost as if I can relate to the bottom shelf. If I were a canned good would I find myself on the bottom shelf? I sure hope so.

God shops on the bottom shelf. He just doesn't look there for a bargain or as a last result, that's where He starts. He seems to go after the broken and the beat up. I even think He might hope to find us there. Our God is a redeemer, and until we understand we're broken, redemption will avoid us. I find that God has favor with those who don't understand why God is so crazy about them. David is a guy whom God loved fiercely. The Bible accredits him alone with the phrase, "A man after God's own heart," but he seems to live life with the "who? me?" look on his face.

So here's to the bottom shelf. A place to find an amazing offer, maybe a place to get a picture of grace.

A Chuckle

Both of my parents worked while I was growing up so I would stay at daycare after school. I loved daycare. One of my favorite memories of all time happened at daycare. If I say daycare one more time this blog will be officially obnoxious.
We were divided into two groups at my...aggg...daycare. The older kids made up one group and we, the younger kids, made up the second. I know, creative way to divide yourselves. Us younger chaps had the job of being tortured by the older kids. We actually didn't mind it too much, it was fun pissing them off and then running away, but I was fat so I could never run very fast, or very far.
My favorite memory happened one afternoon during a rousing game of kickball. Of course the teams were divided according to our age. We knew going into it that we were supposed to be destroyed, and we were. There was this one kid on our team, BJ, he was the smallest in our group and recieved most of the punishment. You could see the look on his face this day, he looked checked out. Kinda like Squintz Paladores in the Sandlot, when he's finally had enough of waiting and decides to go get Wendy Pefercorn. BJ had had enough. He was going to do something about these older brutes. He was playing third base when this moment occured. One of the butt munches from the other team smashed the ball over the fence for a homerun and was making his way around the bases laughing at us like he was somebody. I mean come on...the score was like 56 to nothing. As he was headed toward third base, BJ moved into action. Our bases were those giant orange cones and just when the dirtbag was about to tag it BJ picked it up and....ran. I mean ran like a crazy man. He reminded me of the Jesus lizard from National Geographic that could run across the water...yeah that was BJ with a big orange cone. In a matter of seconds the entire older team was chasing him. Everytime I picture this in my head I chuckle. BJ running for his life carrying a big orange cone, knowing full well he was going to be punished for this, but loving every minute of it. Life is good.

thats MY song

I love how every song somehow becomes my story. Even if it really has nothing to do with anything that has ever happened to me, its still all about...me :)
I love those songs that have favorite parts to them. As soon as the song starts I'm waiting for that part. The one where everything but the drums drop out, the lyric says something that agrees with my soul, or a guitar riff takes me up and out of here. I love moments like that, moments that feel bigger than life. Or maybe they're moments that are just as big as life, they wake me up to life. Movies do the same thing for me. There are parts in movies where I hold my breathe because they're so good. The pool scene in Garden State is one for example and of course the infamous final scene of Its a Wonderful Life.
Maybe there's something here, maybe there's not, but reguardless...I love these moments.

Today

I'm bad at this, I mean really bad. I don't even know how many people read this (is it just me or is that at the back of every blogger's mind?), but letting down my "readers" isn't what frustrates me, its that I'm not friggin consistent at another thing. I can't tell you how many books sit on my bookshevles that are half read, or how many journals I have that jump from January to September with one entry in between, and they all start off the same way too..."Ok, I'm going to do this more often..."

I think that it has something to do with what Rachel called me last night, she was joking of course, but she called me the "deep friend." Maybe I don't blog all the time because I think that if I don't have something to deep to say then I don't have something to say. I've come to the conclusion that thats... well, CRAP. I'd love to write a book one day, but its always "one day." I can't tell you how many stories I have already told myself that I feel belong on some paper. If I'm honest I'll tell you that I'm afraid of telling them in ink. I'm afraid that I'll somehow manage to lose them in the transfer from my head to the paper, that somehow I won't tell it right, somehow I'll screw it up. I have a problem with risks these days.

So, with all that said...today has been a good day. I woke up early, I mean really early. I don't necessarily like the reason for waking up early, but I do appreciate seeing the sunrise every morning. Its incredibly different every time. Sometimes it creeps up on you. It desguises itself as night and then sheepishly mentions the morning. My favorite kinds are the ones that explode onto the scene. I can remember one like that two weeks ago. It honestly stopped me in my tracks and I just had to stare at it, and ask, "What are you doing here?" It began as a thin line of violent orange at the bottom of a dark purple sky. I took no notice of it at first and went on doing what ever it was I was doing, whatever it was wasn't important. The next time I turned around the morning had errupted. It was so...happy. It was almost as if this sunrise was laughing. I stood there on the dock, at a freight company, behind a 53 foot tractor trailer, with forklifts momentarily moving in slow motion, and I watched the sunrise. It was great.

Sorry, I think I did again...:) Hey, this is the Big Life. Welcome to my abrupt end.

Self-portraits and iPods

So Ive noticed a defining characteristic of the current generation. Besides being unable to function without an iPod, the future world leaders have a passion for taking self portraits. Myspace and Facebook are flooded with the typical aireal shot of the subject with the head slightly tilted to the side. So whats the deal? Why the obsession? Well, I have a few ideas...cue the evil sinister laugh...or dont.
1. It could be for the risk factor. The self-portrait allows one to throw caution to the wind and snap the shot without seeing what its in the viewfinder. Could this generations obsession with extreme sports be tied directly to our preference for the self portrait?
2. It could be all about the ego. You dont need to wait for someone else to take a picture of you, you can do it yourself. A digital camera is basically turned into a mirror.
3. Or could it be because we choose to define ourselves? I lean towards this one, because well it sounds deeper :) I think that this generation doesnt like to depend on outside sources to define; to depict who they are. We can take the picture ourselves thank you very much.